HackSTUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH
by Zazie the Beast
Summary: A glitch causes some problems for 8 players of "The World." But these aren't just any 8 players! It's niftier than it sounds. Just read it. Chappie 9 up FINALLY!
1. Stupid Friggin Glitch

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own .hack. But hopefully, I will someday. SOMEDAY!!  
  
Glitches. They suck, right? Yeah.. Isn't it annoying when you're on an Oekaki board and you're  
  
drawing the most beautiful picture ever, which has taken you hours, and then BOOM! Right  
  
when you're about to finish, you get that little error message, "This program needs to shut  
  
down." and you've lost your picture! Well, a glitch like this happened in the computers of the  
  
C.C Corporation, the people who made "The World" online game. This glitch caused the servers  
  
to be down for quite a long while. Very misfortunate for all the people who were playing when  
  
the glitch happened and didn't save recently, who lost all the items, money and experience they  
  
had gained after their last save. When the error was finally fixed and the servers were back up,  
  
everyone was happy. Except for a few people who gathered around the Wavemaster boy who had  
  
been laying on the ground in Mac Anu by the Chaos Gate, seemingly asleep. They gaped at his  
  
odd weapon, wondering what kind of event the boy had gotten it from. They poked and prodded  
  
at the reddish staff until the boy woke up. He opened one eye and saw all the people crowded  
  
around him. Then, he opened the other eye, sat up, and spoke.  
  
"Who are you people!? Get the hell away from me!" The boy's eyes widened as he thought, 'I  
  
spoke..' The bunches of people started to throw questions at him.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Where did you get your staff?"  
  
"Can I have your member address?"  
  
The boy stood up, wondering why no one was running from him. He slowly backed away, then  
  
turned and ran from the mob of people. He stopped at the river and turned his head to look  
  
behind him. The people were following him. He sighed, then looked down at the river. "..Aw,  
  
what the heck." He jumped into the river, making a large splash. The mob of people ran up to the  
  
river, looking around for the boy, but soon gave up, lost interest and walked off. The boy's head  
  
came up from under the water. His messy black hair was dripping wet and his long, red dress-like  
  
outfit was soaked. He heard someone, a girl's voice, calling out to him from above.  
  
"Hey! Hey, you in the river! Are you okay?"  
  
The boy blinked. "...God?" He said to himself as he looked up to see the face of a girl with short  
  
blue hair. She reached down. "Grab my hand. I'll pull you out." She told him. The boy did as she  
  
said and was lifted out of the water and onto the boat she was riding. The boy spit some river  
  
water out of his mouth and the girl giggled. "I saw you jump into the river. Were you being  
  
chased by those people who were lined up by the edge of the water?" The boy nodded and the  
  
girl continued. "Oh, how rude of me, I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Subaru. And  
  
behind me is Silver Knight." She pointed behind her at a strange man wearing a horned mask  
  
thing. Silver Knight glanced at the boy's staff and immediately got on the boy's case. "Where did  
  
you get that weapon!? I've seen nothing like it! I sense some illegal editing here!" Subaru put her  
  
finger to her mouth, signaling Silver Knight to be quiet. She turned back around to the boy.  
  
"Well, are you going to tell me your name?" The boy looked a little uneasy. "My name?" He  
  
asked. "It's..." Subaru blinked. "Go on." she said. The boy continued.  
  
"It's....Skeith."  
  
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Wooo. Review. You know you want to. =D 


	2. Skeith's Staff is STOLEN!

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own .hack. GIVE ME SYMPATHY! ):  
  
Subaru smiled. "Well, Skeith." She said, "It was nice meeting you." Skeith nodded slowly. "I  
  
guess it was nice meeting you too..?" He jumped off the boat and back onto land, then ran off.  
  
Silver Knight growled. "Lady Subaru, why did you just let him go like that!? It was obvious he  
  
was using an illegally edited weapon! We have to capture him and bring him to justice!" Subaru  
  
sighed. "Silver Knight, what have I told you about this whole 'Justice' thing?" she asked him.  
  
Silver Knight frowned. "Not to do it." "That's right." And with a hard shove from Subaru, the  
  
strongest Scarlet Knight fell off the boat and into the river.  
  
Skeith sat in the alleyway of Mac Anu (The place where Kite first met Elk and Mia), trying to  
  
figure things out. The poor Phase's mind was in a jumble. He didn't know how he wound up  
  
being a player in "The World" when he was just a big, all-mighty, un-defeatable monster no  
  
more than a day ago. He stood up and walked out of the alleyway, then began to wander about  
  
Mac Anu, still thinking. It was then he remembered those strange pulse waves he felt a few hours  
  
ago and the long darkness that followed. Without thinking, he yelled out in a very aggravated  
  
voice, "THAT STUPID FRIGGIN' GLITCH!" He suddenly felt a sharp, quick pain in the back  
  
of his head. Turning around and looking down at the ground, he saw an Oh No Melon.  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry. Did I hit you?"  
  
Skeith blinked as he looked ahead and saw three boys walking towards him. One Long Arm on  
  
the right, one Twin Blade on the left, and a small Wavemaster in the middle, ahead of the other  
  
two. The Wavemaster picked up the Oh No Melon. Skeith was staring at the strange symbol on  
  
the Wavemaster's hat. It looked kind of like a horned-person. 'I've seen that symbol before..But  
  
where?' He thought. The Wavemaster looked at Skeith oddly. "Um..What are you staring at?"  
  
The Terror of Death blinked. "Oh, nothing." He noticed the Wavemaster was no longer in front  
  
of him, but beside him, gazing at his staff. "Wow. That's a neat staff." The Wavemaster had a  
  
strange, childish voice. Skeith backed away a bit. "You aren't going to go on a crazy mad  
  
rampage and try to steal it, are you?" "Of course not!" The Phase looked relieved, but the look  
  
only lasted for a minute. As soon as you could say, "Freaking Liar!" the Wavemaster had  
  
grabbed the staff from Skeith's hands and was making off with it, the Twin Blade and Long Arm  
  
following. All three ran up to the Chaos Gate and the Twin Blade spoke.   
  
"Sorry, I have to go. My mom wants me to come to dinner."  
  
The Wavemaster nodded and replied, "That's okay."  
  
"I have to go too. Gotta take a shower. Ugh." The Long Arm said.  
  
The three said their goodbyes, and the Long Arm and Twin Blade logged off. The Wavemaster  
  
turned around to see Skeith running at him, yelling death threats. The Wavemaster quickly  
  
warped to a random field, leaving Skeith to wallow in his random anger. And without his staff! A  
  
"Bing!" was heard as Skeith received E-Mail. He checked the e-mail, saw the picture of the  
  
Wavemaster who had just stolen his staff!  
  
"Haha! I've got your pretty staff! If you'd like to come and get it back from me, go to Theta:  
  
Hidden Dog Dancing Organ Market! That is, if you're not too scared! Hehehehe! You should've  
  
seen the look on your face when I swiped it! It's so fun to deceive people!" The word 'deceive'  
  
was in bold text. Skeith trembled with rage as he warped to the given field and stalked off  
  
towards the dungeon.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Will Skeith get his wonderful staff back? Find out next time in Digimon: Digital Monsters! Er, I  
  
mean this fanfic. ;D Review. 


	3. Game of Deceit

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: Skeith is going to present today's disclaimer, because he's special. *Skeith  
  
walks up.* Skeith: Tracea does not own .hack. I own her, though. Tracea: Shut up. e_e;  
  
Skeith treaded into the dungeon. When he walked into the first room, the one after the entrance  
  
room, he was greeted by the Wavemaster who had stolen his staff. That evil, brown-haired,  
  
brown outfitted Wavemaster! The Wavemaster had his own staff in his right hand, and Skeith's  
  
staff in the other. "Gimme back my staff you little brat!" Skeith growled angrily. The  
  
Wavemaster grinned, "Do you think I'd just hand it over?" "Uhm...Yes. Yes I do." "..You're  
  
pathetic. Well, anyways! If you want your staff back, you'll have to get through a couple of tricks  
  
I've laid in this dungeon. Hehe." And with that, the Wavemaster stuck out his tongue at Skeith,  
  
then turned and ran off into the next room. Skeith followed him, but was stopped in the next  
  
room by the sight of himself. He was all over the room, on the walls, ceiling and floor. "W-What  
  
the hell is going on!?" He took a step back, and all the other Skeiths in the room did the same. He  
  
stepped forward, and the others followed. He then looked down and stomped on the floor a  
  
couple of times until the image shattered, along with the mirror. He grinned, "So this is just a  
  
room full of mirrors." He took a deep breath and yelled as loud as he could, "YOU THINK YOU  
  
COULD FOOL ME WITH A CHEAP TRICK LIKE THAT? HAH!" The Skeiths in the mirrors  
  
disappeared and were replaced with images of the Wavemaster. All of them spoke at the same  
  
time, "I don't see any cheap tricks around here." The Terror of Death looked around at all of the  
  
mirrors, then began to smash them, one by one. Shatters rang out through the room as the glass in  
  
the mirrors broke into pieces and landed on the ground at Skeith's feet. In order to break the  
  
mirrors on the ceiling, he took large mirror shards and hurled them at the ceiling. Soon, all of the  
  
mirrors were broken and the images were gone. He sat down amongst the broken glass shards,  
  
but saw no Wavemaster. "How do you get a mirror image..without anything there for the mirrors  
  
to reflect off of?" The childish voice of the Wavemaster rang out, "Oh, there was something for  
  
them to reflect." The Phase looked ahead and saw himself, except this time, it wasn't in a mirror.  
  
He suddenly looked down at his outfit. Brown. Not red like it was supposed to be. His eyes  
  
moved up to look at his bangs. They were brown. His hair was brown and not black. He suddenly  
  
realized what was going on He was the Wavemaster! And the Wavemaster was him! His mind  
  
was racing as he stood up. "Tell me what's going on!" The imposter Skeith laughed, "Is it that  
  
hard to figure out?" He took one step forward, and his image shifted. Instead of Skeith standing  
  
there, it was the legendary dot Hacker, Kite. Skeith stared and stood up, then stepped back. The  
  
imposter Kite stepped forward. Whenever Skeith backed up, the false Kite would get closer. No  
  
matter how many steps backwards the Terror of Death took, it seemed like he was staying in one  
  
spot while the false Kite got closer. "L-Leave me alone..! Get away from me!" The Kite imposter  
  
kept advancing towards the frightened Phase until he was standing right in front of him. "GET  
  
AWAY!" Skeith swung his hand out and it went right through the Kite image. It disappeared,  
  
and Skeith found out what was happening. "This is all a trick. Just a big trick!" The shards of the  
  
mirrors on the floor disappeared and so did the broken mirror frames. He looked down and  
  
realized he was back to his old self, then looked back up to see the Wavemaster, who was  
  
standing there, staring. Skeith walked up, grabbed his staff from the Wavemaster, then turned  
  
around and walked up to the opening that would lead to the entrance where he came in. He  
  
stopped as he got to the opening. "I'm not that stupid. I saw through your game of deceit, Innis."  
  
and with that, he exited the dungeon.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hoo boy. This was fun to write. Uhm. Yes. Now review. NOW! MY YAMI COMMANDS  
  
YOU! 


	4. Mistral's Happy Fun Treasure Hunt

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own .hack. Really, I don't. No, this is NOT the deed of ownership to  
  
.hack that I stole from Bandai, what are you talking about!? You and your silly ideas...  
  
Skeith walked about Mac Anu, looking up at the sky and thinking deeply. Until he ran into  
  
someone wearing a nice, thick suit of armor. He grumbled and stood up, putting his hand to his  
  
face to make sure his nose wasn't bleeding or anything. When it was confirmed that all was well,  
  
he noticed the guy he ran into was part of a large crowd that had gathered in front of a big,  
  
floating TV screen...thingamabobber. Above all the random chatter here and there in the crowd,  
  
one voice was audible through the crowd, and probably through the entire Root Town. It was  
  
high-pitched and girlish.  
  
"YAY! YAY! RARE GOODIES FOR ME, FOR ME!"  
  
Skeith began to walk around, asking people what was going on. Nobody would answer him.  
  
Nobody, that is, except the small girl wearing a jester-like outfit. She poked Skeith and grinned.  
  
"This is an event announcement, silly! With rare items galore!" Her eyes became little hearts as  
  
she began to twirl around in excitement. Her voice was the same as the one that he heard above  
  
the talking of the crowd. The girl stopped, then politely bowed. "Uhh, Whoops! Sorry about that.  
  
My name's Mistral, and I am the best Rare Item Hunter in the entire world! Yeah!" Skeith  
  
blinked, confused. "Uhm..Well, my name's Skeith." Mistral blinked. "Skeith? That name sounds  
  
a little familiar..Oh well! Y'know, you look like you could help me. Wanna be my partner in the  
  
event? All you have to do is help me look for a special blue statue of a Grunty hidden around this  
  
certain field. If we find it, then we get a priiiize!" Skeith thought for a second. "Well, I've got  
  
nothing better to do with my time. So I guess I could help y-" Skeith didn't have time to finish  
  
his sentence. He was interrupted by a gigantic glomp from Mistral. "THANK YOUUUU!"  
  
"No..problem..just get off of me..you're crushing my spleen.."  
  
Later that day, Mistral and Skeith warped into a field where tons of busy players checked under  
  
rocks and such, looking for the illusive statue. Mistral immediatly began to check around trees,  
  
and use her staff to dig away at the ground. She saw something sparkle and gasped. "I FOUND  
  
IT! I FOUND IT! YAAY!" and she pulled out the Blue Grunty Statue! Or so she thought.  
  
"Waaaiiiit..This isn't a Grunty Statue! It's just the helmet of one of those dumb Scarlet Knights."  
  
And with that, she tossed it randomly to the side and ignored the "OW!" that came from the  
  
random player she hit.  
  
They looked and looked, but the Wavemaster and Phase duo could not find that statue! They  
  
looked everywhere in the field, but it was nowhere to be found! "Do you think someone could've  
  
gotten it already?" Skeith asked Mistral. "Nooooo way! That isn't possible! I'm the only one who  
  
is worthy of getting the rare items!" and with that she stood up. "C'mon, Skeith! I'm not going to  
  
let some random person take MY treasure! Let's go search in the one place I haven't seen anyone  
  
try The DUNGEON!" Skeith stood up and sighed. "It's probably not in there, Mistral." "But it's  
  
GOT to be in there! I know, I know, the event thing said it wasn't going to be in the dungeon, but  
  
maybe that's just so to cover up the fact that it probably IS in there! Bwaha! Nothing can get past  
  
the great, almighty Item Hunter MISTRAL!" And so, she paraded off to the dungeon, Skeith  
  
following afterwards.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Will Mistral find the Statue? Or has she lost the event? Find out in the next chapter. YES,  
  
THAT'S RIGHT. I'M MAKING YOU WAIT. In the meantime, review, please. =D 


	5. Propagation Is A Funny Word

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
IDON'TOWN.HACKHOWMANYTIMESDOIHAVETOSAYITRAAWRRGGG!!! =D  
  
Mistral walked up to the dungeon, looked around, then ran in. Skeith followed after. As the pair  
  
wandered the dungeon, Mistral kept giggling whenever they walked into a different room.  
  
Finally, Skeith, annoyed with the giggling, asked Mistral, "Why do you keep giggling!? It's  
  
driving me insane!" Mistral grinned and poked Skeith on his forehead. "Because, Silly, no one's  
  
in here but us! That means everyone out there is gullible enough to believe the 'It's not in the  
  
dungeon' part! Haha! That means rare items for MISTRAAAAL!" The Phase sighed and  
  
thought, 'She's ALWAYS happy, isn't she?' Suddenly, there was yelling coming from a corridor  
  
to the right. Mistral gasped, "S-Someone else is in here too!? DAMN!" Skeith walked over to the  
  
opening of the hallway and listening to the yelling. It sounded like a female player. "YOU SAID  
  
YOU'D HELP ME! SO WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING?!" A male voice began. "Because I  
  
changed my mind." "C-Changed your mind!? Ooooh! You make me so angry, I could just..!"  
  
"AH! GET OFF OF ME, YOU PSYCHO WOMAN!" "No way, buddy!" "What are you doing  
  
with THAT?! HEY! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!" Skeith and Mistral curiously  
  
looked a little more into the corridor to see a female Blademaster ontop of a male Twin Blade.  
  
Her sword was at the Twin Blade's neck, and she didn't look very happy. Skeith blinked,  
  
"Umm..Are we interrupting something?" The Blademaster, surprised that she was being watched  
  
by two others, turned her head away from the Twin Blade to look at the Jester Wavemaster and  
  
the Terror of Death. Her look at them was only for a few seconds as the Twin Blade, who was  
  
now un-watched, stabbed the Blademaster in the neck with one of his blades, and her chest with  
  
the other. He just let go of his blade handles and kept them stuck in the girl's body as she turned  
  
grey and collapsed ontop of the boy. He pushed her off, then took out his blades, which looked  
  
like odd grey leaves. The boy's hair was kind of spiky (Like Sora from Kingdom Hearts. Go  
  
Sora!) And green. He had blue pants on, along with a red shirt with green leaves on it. His eyes  
  
were an emotionless grey. The boy stood and then, dusting himself off, he looked to Skeith and  
  
Mistral. "Ah. Sorry you had to see that. That girl gets on my nerves sometimes. So, are you guys  
  
in here searching, too?" Mistral nodded. "Yep, we are! And we're gonna find it before YOU do!"  
  
Skeith glanced at the boy's blades, and the boy looked at Skeith's staff. In unison, they both  
  
pointed and said, "Woah, cool weapon!" They looked at each other. "Hey..You copycat!" they  
  
both said at the same time. (Until further notice, the following dialogues are Skeith and the boy  
  
talking at the same time.) "Copycat? Nuh-Uh, you're copying ME!" They both growled. "No!  
  
YOU'RE copying ME!" "STOP THAT!" "No! YOU stop it!" "I can't until YOU stop!" "SHUT  
  
UP!" "YOU!" They both turned away from each other. "Hmph." (End unison speech.) Mistral  
  
blinked, then poked the boy. "Your weapon is coooooool! Where did you get it? Huh, huh? I  
  
wanna know, I wanna know! It looks rare and I love rare items! Tell me, tell me, tell meeeeeee!"  
  
The boy raised a brow at her, "Uhm..I've had them ever since the beginning." "Beginning? You  
  
mean you started your character with these? But they don't look like a starter newb weapon!  
  
Ohhh, I get it, you traded didn't you? You gotta tell me who gave 'em to you! C'mon, fess up!"  
  
The boy shook his head, "No, I didn't.." Skeith grunted, "Come on, Mistral. Let's go. We have a  
  
Grunty Statue to find." He began to walk down the corridor to the next door when he was  
  
stopped by the boy, who put his blades to Skeith's neck. "Wait just one minute. I wanna know  
  
your name." The Phase sighed. "Skeith. There, happy? Yeah, I bet you are. Now that  
  
everything's all peachy keen, fine and dandy, happy-go-lucky with rainbows and butterflies, Can  
  
I go now!?" "Of course not. I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is Magus." There was a  
  
long, eerie silence. Finally, Skeith broke the pause with, "Propagation." Magus grinned. "Terror  
  
of Death." "Third Phase." "First Phase." "Leaves." "Stone." "Sissy Wimp who can't compare  
  
with the great Skeith." "Th-What?! What's THAT supposed to mean!?" "It means how it sounds,  
  
and it sounds how it means." "That sounded like that Dr. Suess book." "You mean the one with  
  
the elephant?" "Yeah, that's it! That..Horton Scrambles the Egg book." "Hatches. HATCHES the  
  
egg." "Same difference." Suddenly, Skeith and Magus realized that Mistral was no longer in the  
  
hall. Magus lowered his blades and walked out of the dungeon. Skeith did the same, and they  
  
were both greeted by Mistral, who had a dark look upon her face. "Someone just found the  
  
Statue. AND IT WASN'T ME! AND IT'S ALL YOUR GUYS' FAULT! FEEL THE WRATH  
  
OF THE GREAT ITEM HUNTER MISTRAL! RAAWWRRGG!!" Skeith's eyes widened. "I'm  
  
out of here." He warped out of the field, but Magus wasn't so lucky. Tons of random electric  
  
spells fell upon him like a horrible rain storm of icky doom and pain. Poor, Poor Magus.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Me and Shion think Morganna was drunk when she made Magus. I mean, basically he's there to  
  
collect data on how humans find a desperate need to have babies. So that'd be like, "Oh, those  
  
pesky neighbors next door are getting rowdy again! *hic* Hey, I could make a Phase out of that!  
  
Yeah! *hic*" Yeah..Not that I've got anything against Magus or anything. Human Magus is sexy.  
  
Skeith, First Phase of 8, drew him, along with Human Innis and Human Skeith. They're all sexy.  
  
YAAAY! Uhm. Yes. Anyways, REVIEW! NOW! 


	6. Can I Call You Skeithy?

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own .hack. SO THERE.  
  
Magus and Innis sat, side by side, in front of the Chaos gate in Carmina Gadelica. They were  
  
bored as hell, and that fact was extremely obvious. "I'm bored as hell." Magus said. "Same."  
  
Innis replied. They sat there boredly, not paying attention to anything going on around them.  
  
Until someone tripped over Innis. "HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" Innis yelled.  
  
"Sorry, Sorry!" The victim of the fall said as he stood, brushed himself off, then continued his  
  
interrupted run. Magus chuckled. The Mirage of Deceit growled at him, glaring evilly. Suddenly,  
  
Magus hushed Innis. "Do you hear that?" "Hear what, Magus?" "Those people talking. Listen."  
  
They both became quiet and listened to a conversation between three people nearby.  
  
"So, you say you saw a Wavemaster with a weird red wand?" Asked a Heavyblade girl with  
  
short, brown hair. "Yes. At first, he was just wandering around a dungeon I was visiting with  
  
BT." Replied an older-looking Blademaster man with blue and white paint on him. A  
  
Wavemaster in a tan outfit just sat there quietly and listened. "So, what happened next?" The girl  
  
asked. "Well, we ignored him until we both ended up fighting a monster in the same room. He  
  
was doing pretty well on his own when we came in, but we decided to help him anyway. He told  
  
us he had it under control and to just leave, but we stayed and fought the monster along with it,  
  
and when it was all over, he approached us, and he looked pretty angry." "Angry?" The  
  
Wavemaster inquired. "Yes. That's when I really noticed his weapon was one I had never seen  
  
before. I was about to ask him where he got it, when he swung out at BT with the weapon. He  
  
must've been very strong, because he killed BT with one hit. He then told me to leave his  
  
sanctuary, or he'd kill me too. I could tell he wasn't bluffing, so I left as he said. I sure didn't  
  
want to lose all the items and experience I had gained earlier." "I see. Say, Bear, what field was  
  
it?" The Heavyblade girl asked. The man closed his eyes, resting them. "Theta: Chosen Hopeless  
  
Nothingness." The girl blinked. "Oh."  
  
"Heh! They're talking about Skeith!" Innis whispered. "Yep." Magus whispered back. The three  
  
people began to talk again, so the two Phases became silent as they listened. "I think you should  
  
take us to the dungeon. I want to see this player!" The girl said. "But Mimiru, what if he tries to  
  
kill us like he did with BT?" The man asked. "I'll just save my progress before we go! That way I  
  
won't be missing out on too much stuff! How about you, Tsukasa? Are you coming?" The  
  
Wavemaster looked at the girl. "Well..I guess I'll come too. I'm also curious about this player."  
  
"Alright then, if you two wish to go, then let's go." The man said. The three approached the  
  
Chaos Gate, then warped to the Theta server. "...Shall we follow them?" Innis asked. "Of  
  
course." Magus said, grinning. They stood up, then warped to the Theta server also. They got  
  
there just in time to see the three warp to Chosen Hopeless Nothingness. They waited a few  
  
seconds, then warped there themselves. While the three other players arrived on the other side of  
  
the field from the dungeon, The Mirage of Deceit and The Propagation were warped about  
  
twenty feet away from their main destination. "Woot! We got lucky." Innis commented. And  
  
with that, he ran over to the dungeon entrance and walked in. Magus followed. Once inside,  
  
Magus yelled, "HEY, SKEITH! YOU THERE?" There was no noise for a moment as the two  
  
Phases listened for Skeith, but after a while, they heard footsteps. The Terror of Death emerged  
  
from the shadows of the doorway ahead of them, then stopped. "...What. Is. HE. Doing. Here?"  
  
The First Phase said, glaring at Innis. Innis grinned at him, "Aw, you still mad about all of that,  
  
Skeith-y?" Skeith's eye twitched. "S-Skeithy!? How dare you call me such a stupid name!" And  
  
with that, he charged at Innis, but was stopped by Magus. "Out of the way, Reproduction-Boy!  
  
That little brat is good as dead!" Magus sighed, "We're all Phases. We aren't supposed to be  
  
fighting each other." Skeith looked at him. "I guess you're right." He held out his hand to Innis.  
  
"Sorry." Innis grabbed his hand and shook it. "S'ok. But can I still call you Skeithy?" "No."  
  
"Please?" "No." "Pllleeeaassee with sugar on top and ice cream in the middle and whipped  
  
cream all around?" "No." "Aw, fine...Hey, can I call you something else then? How about S-"  
  
"N-O." "Alright, whatever..." Magus smiled, a little embarrassed. "Well, now that that's  
  
settled..." The Third Phase said, "...Skeith, we came to tell you three other players are planning to  
  
come and pay you a visit. One of them said he was there before and you killed his friend." Skeith  
  
thought for a moment, then spoke. "Ah! I remember him. Didn't he learn anything from the first  
  
time he came? Tsk, Tsk...humans are such fools." He shook his head. "Well then, I guess we'll  
  
just have to plan a little surprise party for them, won't we?" Innis and Magus chuckled evilly.  
  
"Of course." Magus said. "It will be so much fun..Heh." Innis added. "But it won't be fun for  
  
them. Only for us. Now, let's get to work!" Skeith said. Innis and Magus nodded. And so, the  
  
three Phases began to scheme up a nice, evil little plan.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
What are their plans? What will they do to Bear, Mimiru and Tsukasa? Find out next time! Yes,  
  
that's right. I'm making you wait SOME MORE! BWA-HAHAHAHAHAH-*cough hack* Ow.  
  
*takes throat drop* There we go. Now then, where was I? Oh yeah! -  
  
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! 


	7. Bear, Mimiru and Tsukasa get PWNED

.hack//STUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own .hack. I wish I did.  
  
While Skeith, Innis and Magus plotted in the dungeon of Theta: Chosen Hopeless Nothingness,  
  
the three players; Mimiru, a young HeavyBlade girl, Bear, an older looking Blademaster boy, and  
  
Tsukasa, a young male Wavemaster were on their way to the same dungeon. They approached  
  
the dungeon entrance. "Are you guys sure you want to go on with this?" Bear asked the two other  
  
Players. "Of course, old man!" Mimiru replied cheerfully. Tsukasa just nodded. "Alright, then."  
  
Bear said as he walked into the dungeon, Tsukasa and Mimiru following. Once they entered the  
  
second room of the dungeon, they encountered their first Monster Square. The portal disappeared  
  
and a monster was there. Mimiru immediately ran up and began to hack away at the monster. She  
  
didn't do too much hacking away, though, because the monster died with one hit. "What the  
  
hell? What's a level one monster doing here?!" "I don't know. Maybe it's some kind of glitch."  
  
Bear said. They walked into the next room and found another level one monster. They defeated it  
  
with ease, then continued. Each room they went to, the only thing waiting was a weak monster.  
  
They got to the Gott Statue room, then opened the treasure chest. The only thing inside was a  
  
note that said, "Haha! Tricked you!" with a big smiley face sticking it's tongue out to accompany  
  
the text. Mimiru stomped her foot, "AGGGH! NO TREASURE!? WHAT KIND OF STUPID  
  
DUNGEON IS THIS?!" And with that, she stomped out of the room, leaving Bear and Tsukasa  
  
in the Gott Statue room. Suddenly, Mimiru screamed. Bear and Tsukasa ran out of the Gott  
  
Statue room to see Mimiru pushing Skeith away. "Get away from me!" Magus and Innis stood in  
  
the background. Skeith growled. He looked at the trio, then glared at Bear. "I thought I told you  
  
to not invade my sanctuary!" Bear stepped forward. "It isn't yours, it belongs to everyone. No  
  
dungeon is owned by one player. I don't know your reasoning behind this, but I'd advise you to  
  
stop, or the System Administrators will ban you." Skeith smirked at this comment. "Ban me? I'd  
  
like to see them try. Innis! Magus!" Innis and Magus stepped forward, grinning maliciously. Bear  
  
and Mimiru got in fighting poses and Tsukasa stepped back, ready to begin to cast spells and heal  
  
his fellow party members. Magus dropped his blades and held his hands up. Tons of odd leaves  
  
appeared on the floor around Bear and exploded. Bear fell to the ground, then weakly stood back  
  
up and lunged at Magus, slashing at him. Magus jumped back, trying to avoid his strike, but still  
  
ended up getting his arm cut. The Third Phase grabbed his blades off the ground. "You want to  
  
go at it directly, Kilt-Man? Fine." They both ran at each other. Bear swung downwards, and  
  
Magus put his blades up and blocked the hit. The Blademaster began to try and strain Magus's  
  
arms to the point where he would let go by starting to force his sword downwards. Magus caught  
  
on quickly and began to push upwards with his own blades. Soon, the battle was switching  
  
around. Magus would have the advantage, and then suddenly Bear would have it, and then  
  
Magus again. Finally, Bear moved his head back and quickly lifted his sword and moved it away.  
  
As a result, Magus stumbled and fell to the ground. Seeing his opportunity, Bear swung  
  
downward-sideways at The Phase's side. He didn't succeed, though, as Skeith slammed his staff  
  
into Bear and finished off the Blademaster's HP with his wonderful, Terror-Of-Death powers.  
  
Meanwhile, Mimiru was occupied with a very large monster that for some reason, only she could  
  
see. She yelled to Tsukasa to cast something on the monster, but the little Wavemaster couldn't  
  
see what Mimiru was fighting. To him, she was just slashing mindlessly at the air. Suddenly,  
  
Tsukasa felt something cold on his neck. He shifted his eyes down to gaze at the two leaf-like  
  
blades resting on his throat. "Move and you're dead." While Mimiru was fighting the invisible  
  
monster, Skeith snuck up on her and brung his staff upon her head. She collapsed and  
  
disappeared. Innis snickered, "My illusion worked like a charm." Tsukasa was the only one left.  
  
Magus grinned, and then slit his neck. He fell to his knees, then to the ground and faded out, just  
  
as Bear and Mimiru did. Skeith laughed. "That'll teach them!" Innis and Magus grinned. "Yeah!"  
  
they said in unison. And so, Skeith, Innis and Magus were blissfully, blissfully happy. Until the  
  
next chappie, that is! ;D  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Review. =D 


	8. Skeith's New Friend

.hackSTUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISLCLAIMER: The fact that I don't own .hack makes me weep uncontrollably. sniffle  
  
It was a bright, happy day in Mac Anu. Skeith leaned against the wall by the Chaos Gate. It was  
  
around a week after the incident with Bear, Mimiru and Tsukasa, and nothing exciting had  
  
happened since, making him a bored little Phase. He watched as people warped in and out of  
  
Mac Anu, talking to their friends as they did. "I'm... so... bored..." He said with a yawn.  
  
Suddenly, two Long Arms came by, discussing something that Skeith had never once thought  
  
about doing: Raising a Grunty. Skeith grinned. "That's what I'll do. I'll give that Grunty thing a  
  
shot!" And so, he stood up, warped to Carmina Gadelica, and headed straight for the Grunty pen.  
  
When he arrived, he looked down at the baby Grunty walking around, and frowned. "It's so...  
  
ugly." He bent down and prodded it. The little pig-cow creature suddenly wailed. "Daddy, I'm  
  
hungry! Oiiink!" Skeith stared at it. The Grunty then proceeded to plop down on it's rear and cry  
  
mass amounts of tears. "H-Hey! Don't cry! Stop!" The Grunty kept crying. Skeith rose and  
  
looked at the NPC. "What do these things eat, anyway?" Skeith inquired. "Grunty food. You find  
  
it in dungeons and on fields." Skeith pondered a moment, then pulled a White Cherry from his  
  
Grunty Food case. "Ohhhh... This thing?" The NPC nodded. The Phase dropped the odd cherry  
  
thing in front of the baby Grunty, and it immediately tackled the item of food and ate it in 4 bites.  
  
The Terror of Death chuckled and gave the Grunty more food. Soon, the Grunty grew to the point  
  
where it knew the names of the foods it wanted. "Father, I'm hungry, oink! I wanna eat Piney  
  
Apples!" Skeith's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't HAVE any Piney Apples to give to the little  
  
creature! He then rushed off. A while later, he came back holding about 3 of the red apple-ish  
  
things. He lowered it down in front of the Grunty. The apple thought, "Oh dear lord! I'm being  
  
sacrificed?! Nooooooo!" And then it was all over. The food was devoured by the Grunty. The  
  
rest of the food it wanted were things Skeith had gathered many of and the Grunty turned into a  
  
Boney Grunty, because those things rock. Skeith squealed like a five-year old school girl and  
  
hugged the Grunty. "I'm naming you... Uh... Grunty!" he said. "Fine with me, master.  
  
Rrrrraaattle!" Grunty replied. And from then on, Grunty and Skeith always traveled fields  
  
together. They found many cool field-ish treasures and stuff, and beat lots of flag race records.  
  
The two were the best of friends. This was not to last, though. One day, Skeith and Grunty were  
  
exploring a Darkness field, minding their own business when suddenly, a woman's voice came  
  
from nowhere. "Hello there, Skeith." Skeith twitched. "Oh crap, it's that freaking God woman  
  
again! What do YOU want?" "Well, I wanted to laugh at you for losing to that damned Kite guy,  
  
and then becoming a human... thing, probably because you suck." The Phase growled in  
  
annoyance. "Oh, shut up. At least I'm not some bodiless voice who thinks she's better than  
  
everyone else but in reality she's only angry and crap because she can't get a boyfriend." "Yes, I  
  
kno- Wait a second, take that back!" "No." "Yes." "No." "Yes." "No." "Fine!" A bolt of  
  
lightning came down from the sky and struck Grunty. The Terror of Death gasped as his Grunty  
  
friend began to change into a monster. It looked kind of like a dog-cow thing with sharp claws  
  
and teeth, if you can imagine something like that. It immediately lunged at Skeith, claws  
  
outstretched. Skeith jumped out of the way, and tumbled across the ground. A few moments  
  
later, he stood up and yelled. "Grunty, stop! I'm your friend, remember? You don't want to hurt  
  
me, do you?" The monster ignored the Phase's cries and ran at him. Skeith just stood there and  
  
did nothing. Then, he felt a huge pain in his left shoulder. He looked over to see the monster that  
  
used to be his friend, it's jaws dug deep into his flesh (or data, same difference). He realized it  
  
was hopeless to try and talk the creature into stopping it's attacks, so he lifted up his staff and,  
  
with tears in his eyes, slammed it down on the monster. It howled in pain and let go of Skeith,  
  
then limply fell to the ground. Skeith did it once more and finished it off. Blood was dripping  
  
from the wound on his shoulder, but he paid no mind to it. And so, his head hung in shame, the  
  
Terror of Death warped off.  
  
Yes, so dramatic oh emm jee. Sorry for not updating in a while, I've been lazy. Review, NOW! I  
  
command it! 


	9. Halloween Special Part 1!

.hackSTUPIDFRIGGINGLITCH  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own .hack. Bandai does. Go whine to them or something.  
  
Author's Note: Someone once said this didn't really belong in humor. So, I present you with a (hopefully) funny chapter. This is also a spooky Halloween special, seeing as how Halloween is just around the corner! So be happy!  
  
... Or else. (:  
  
October 31st, and it was that time again...! No, not hingle-fingle time. EVENT TIME! The time where lots of players show up at a selected field to compete for the RARE ITEM PRIZE OMG!  
This, of course, attracted the attention of one Rare Hunter, Mistral. Her excited squeals filled Mac Anu's square as the event was announced. "Did'ja hear that, Magus?! RARE ITEM! RARE ITEM!"  
  
The Phase, who was standing right beside her, turned to look at the Wavemaster. "Yes, I heard... Now stop screaming, or my ear drums will explode."  
  
Mistral apologized, and then grabbed Magus's arm, ran to the Chaos Gate, shouted the keyword and off the two of them warped. Upon arrival, the duo saw that they were standing in a graveyard at night. The red moon was hidden by the clouds, and dead trees were all over the place. Ahead of them stood an old looking mansion. Rotting wooden shutters hung from broken windows, odd weird noises came from inside, red stains covered the bottom corner of the front door... Blood?  
Who knows.  
  
"Wowwwwwww! Spooky!" Mistral said, "I'm so excited!"  
  
Magus sighed. "Don't get too worked up, or I'll have to tie you to a pole and duct tape your mouth to get you to calm down. Now then, correct me if I'm wrong. We're supposed to go inside this house, find the back door and exit that way? That shouldn't be too hard." And with that, he walked up to the door, grabbed the handle, and tugged. "Stupid thing won't open."  
  
Mistral rushed over. "No, silly," she explained, "You gotta KNOCK first!" She grabbed the large brass knocker, which was in the shape of the head of Fenrir, the monster wolf from Norse mythology. The handle of the knocker, the part that Mistral was holding on to, was in the shape of Jormungand, the giant serpent, from Norse mythology as well, that clamps onto and constantly eats its own tail. She slammed the knocker as hard as she could against the large door, flinging dust everywhere.  
  
For a minute, nothing happened. Magus looked over to Mistral, then to the door, and then back at Mistral. "Nothing's happeni-" His sentence was cut short as a trap door opened underneath them and the two dropped down into the darkness below.  
  
"Oof!" Magus had landed on his stomach, winding him.  
  
The rare item obsessed Wavemaster landed on top of The Propagation. "You're comfy." She remarked, grinning.  
  
"That's quite nice, now please get off of me." The Phase said, a hint of aggravation in his voice.  
  
"Okie-Dokie!" Mistral said, rolling off of Magus and standing up. After a quick session of dusting herself off, she helped Magus up and he dusted himself off as well. "Where do you think we are?" The Wavemaster asked.  
  
"How should I know..." Magus replied. He looked around the area, which seemed to be something like a dungeon. The walls were made of grey stone bricks with holes worn down all over the place and slime covering each stone. There was only a sliver of moonlight shining down from the small crack where the trapdoor they fell down was. His examination of the area was cut short, as Magus heard Mistral's frightened cry. He turned around to see Mistral pointing at something behind them.  
  
It was a guillotine. It's once-shiny blade was now red with rust... or maybe it wasn't even rust at all. "Yes, it's a guillotine. And?" Magus said, not seeing why Mistral would be so afraid of something that couldn't kill you unless someone wanted it to.  
  
"N-Not that! THAT!!" The Wavemaster cried, pointing to something on the floor beside the torture device. It was round-looking and the top was very fuzzy... Magus bent down to get a closer look at what it was...  
  
... A head. It's eyes were wide with horror and it's mouth open in a silent scream. Blood stains surrounded it, showing that it was in the same position it had always been since the unlucky victim had been decapitated. Now, normally, the sight of this probably wouldn't scare too many people... maybe the slightly squeamish people, but that's it. But since this head had been sitting here for so long, it was rotting. Parts of it had already rotted down to the bone, but most of it was red and white flesh which had a melting appearance.  
  
The head's right eye socket was empty, and so was the left, but the left was empty in a different way. The left eyeball was hanging out by the purplish optic nerve, which was also decomposing.  
The eyeball was literally melting. Chunks of it oozed from the center, most likely the pupil and the iris.  
  
Magus kicked the head, and it toppled over. A disgusted look crossed The Propagation's face as hundreds of maggots began to crawl out of the eyes and mouth.  
  
"EWWWWW!!!!" Mistral whined. "IT'S ICKY AND SCARY WAAAH-" Magus clapped his hand to Mistral's mouth and shushed her. He then took his hand away and whispered, "Do you hear that...?"  
  
Mistral shook her head, so Magus continued, "It sounds like footsteps, accompanied by a dragging noise..." Step, Step, Draggggg. Step, Step, Dragggg. The noise echoed throughout the area. It was as if somebody was walking around dragging a blanket or a towel on the ground behind them. Step, Step, Draggggg. Step, Step, Dragggg.  
  
And it was coming right towards them.  
  
Step, Step, Dragggg. Step, Step, Draggg...  
  
D What will happen? You'll have to wait and see! And I apologize for the delay, I was having writer's block. xx; 


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